Tears of an Angel
by kajsavi
Summary: Season three. Booth is shot, and left is a shell of what used to be Temperance Brennan.


_Cover my eyes  
>Cover my ears<em>

She could not believe it. It was too unreal, too terrible. But no matter how many times she tried to tell herself otherwise, he was still lying there, lifeless and not smirking like he always does. _Did_. Always did. Somehow she was determined to not believe what she was thinking, because despite the fact that she was rarely ever wrong; she had to be this time. The words of the doctor were still ringing in her ears when stared at the peaceful face of her partner.

"We have bad news...", and that second, she just covered her ears. She wanted to press her hands against them until it hurt because she couldn't handle what she knew was coming. She never wanted to hear the words but they still came out and were left to hang in the air before her. "... but Agent Booth has passed away."

_It can't be true  
>That I'm losing you<br>The sun cannot fall from the sky_

Why hadn't the doctor spared her the pain? Why didn't he just… forget to tell her? That wouldn't be too hard, right? Just spare the pain for a loved one. Couldn't he see that she couldn't possibly live without the man who was now dead? Surely a man with such high education as the doctor - whose name she didn't remember anymore - would see when and when not to deliver bad, terrible, terrible news like that. He had tried to grab her arm to stop her from entering Booth's room when he had told her. But it wasn't a wholehearted try, she could see that.

Now she sat there, beside him. She was holding in her tears, and it hurt. Her face was warm from the effort and her eyes were aching for keeping in the emotion. Temperance swept a hand under her eye to assure that there were no tears escaping. She was pleased to see that her facade was holding it together. She looked up at the doctor who was standing by Booth's bed on the other side; his face was drowning in sympathy and pity for her. He spoke to her, and made her feel more horrible.

"You must leave now."

_Can you hear heaven cry  
>Tears of an angel<em>

She didn't want to – she never wanted to – but she stood up and walked to the door in the small room. When she reached the doorframe, she rested her hand on the wall beside it and stood there. The doctor's stare was burning into her neck and she lifted her other hand to the spot right under her hairline. She didn't feel anything other than her hand touching her skin, and she felt… nothing.

She glanced back at the man in the bad for a last time, before forcing down the worst wave of tears yet. Her hand dropped from the wall, so did her eyes to the floor and she walked out from the depressing place. She hurried out the biggest doors in the hospital; the ones that would let her out and she stepped out into the rain. The sky cried for him.

And she knew from the bottom of her heart, that God did too. Maybe she didn't believe in heaven and God and all that stuff, but she knew that Booth had believed all his life, and he had never doubted it. He, if anyone, was in a better place. He was in a place that was welcoming him and a place where he truly, and fully, belonged.

But she also knew that she'll never sit at the diner with him again. They would never be bickering about pie again, or bicker about _anything_. She's never going to hear him shout out through the lab that they have got a case. He would never mock her or make fun of her social handicap. She'll never hear him call her Bones again. If God cried for him, why couldn't he just save Booth for her? For her…

Booth belonged with _her._

The pain from keeping in her tears became too much for her and she let the stupid tears escape from their safe hiding place behind her eyes. The warm, salty tears rolled down her cheeks, and she didn't even bother wiping them away; her hands stayed at her sides and she stood helplessly by the parking lot. She knew it would come more tears anyway, so why bother?

_"Don't leave me Booth.",_ she felt like sobbing. _"You promised you wouldn't."_

_Stop every clock  
>Stars are in shock<br>The River will flow to the sea  
>I won't let you fly<br>I won't say goodbye  
>I won't let you slip away from me<em>

If she could choose, she'd never leave his side again. The one time she had, he got himself shot for her and he got himself killed. She wanted to stay with him where she would always be safe and happy. Hell, she could even be buried with him if it meant that she could stay with him. She felt pathetic; she was dealing with death and pain every day, why would this be any different? She spotted a bench, and went to sit down on it. Her legs felt like they would bend under her weight if she didn't move to sit down.

When she was safely seated on the bench, she realized. It's Booth. That's why it's harder. It's _Booth_. A loved one is always harder.

She wished so badly, that she would have magical powers and wake him up again. Is she only could mutter a spell and he would come walking towards her at that moment. But she knew that it was logically impossible to bring someone back from the dead, or even have magical powers. Why was she thinking these things? These illogical things didn't help her. Or Booth.

But you can always hope, and wish. And that was something Booth had taught her. And she wished she'd listened to him more often.

_Can you hear heaven cry  
>Tears of an angel<em>

She kept staring into the grey empty sky, wishing ever more, that he would wake up. The sky didn't mean anything without him. She hoped that he'd wake up and ask where she was, how she was. She wanted the doctors to come to tell her that he was awake. And when she would go in to see him again, he'd ask her why she was crying. She'd deny it, but he would always know, and she'd never leave his side ever again. She almost smiled at that, it felt like it was actually going to happen; like she was actually going to be okay. But she wasn't. She was positive about that single fact.

She hoped that he would wake up, and the doctors could say that he can go home. That he'll be okay, that he just had to take some medication and was good to go. But it wouldn't happen; she'll never again look in his eyes and smile. She didn't see a reason to ever smile again, so she just kept on crying.

She had never felt so weak, ever. But she knew that it was only he who could bring out this side of her. It was her buried feelings that could only be revealed when dug up with the right shovel by the right person. He knew which shovel it was; he had even hid it away from everyone else. No one in the team - no one in the family -, not even Angela knew how to really get to her like Booth did, because he had been the most important thing in her life.

And no one could ever take his place in her mind, her life, or her heart.

_So hold on  
>be strong<br>Everyday on we'll go  
>I'm here, don't you fear<em>

She turned around in the bench and took a good look at the doors. She considered walking back in to see Booth again, but she wasn't sure she could. But her motions took control and she walked back into the hospital. And she kept on walking until she was standing outside his hospital room again. With the ugly white color and the black numbers screaming at her, she felt like she wanted to punch it until it was completely broken. She opened the door and let her eyes roll around in the room before she looked at him. Wiping away some tears that formed when her eyes stopped, she sobbed out his name quietly. He wasn't pale too yet, she could even bet that he wasn't cold yet either. He was never cold anyway.

The doctor was still in the room, and he told her once again that she had to go.

She didn't look in the doctors eyes; she didn't want him to see her bloodshot eyes. She didn't want his _'I'm sorry for your loss'_. She didn't want his sympathy. She just kept looking at Booth. And the thought hit her, straight in the face; this was the last time she would see him. Ever.

So, she walked to his side, leant over, and kissed his cheek. And she was surprised how she had been right; he wasn't even a little bit cold.

"Goodbye Booth." She sobbed out quietly. Only herself and – if he _could_ hear – Booth could heard her.

She straightened herself up, and tried not to rush out of there. Out of the horrible hospital that had so many bad memories for her. Nothing happy had ever happened to her in a hospital. And now, nothing ever would. She was positive about that. Too positive.

Of course, all those times she'd woke up in a hospital bed, and had seen Booth sleeping on the uncomfortable plastic chair, or just sitting at her side and holding her hand in his, had been good memories. Feeling the strength of his hand around hers, always made her smile, and feel safe. That would never happen again. And that, made her feel emptier than anything else ever had. She felt like her heart had been ripped out and stomped upon. She felt like someone had stabbed her and left her lying on the floor with the knife still jabbed in her chest. She felt like someone had taken away Booth from her.

She realized the truth about the last part and with wide eyes, she backed away from him.

She rushed to his SUV, and climbed in the driver's seat. She sat there, and leaned her head onto the wheel. Her tears were unstoppable and she just sobbed. She had never sobbed that much in her whole life. But suddenly, her tears just… ended. The last one rolled down her cheek and they were all over. She could almost feel Booth, still lingered in the car. She didn't know how it was possible, but she wasn't imagining it.

She leaned back in the seat, and closed her eyes. Her hands pressed against her ears and everything that was the outside worlds was blocked out and forgotten for a moment.

_Cover my eyes  
>Cover my ears<br>tell me these words are a lie_


End file.
